Gay struggle not to depress

The struggle start when you pass or meet group of homophobic people.

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how they try to hook you up with a girl and make funny of you around people, Sometimes it’s really hard to hang out with people who doesn’t know how you feel. been  gay is the most difficult thing in life I think if I were to choose i wouldn’t choose to be gay.  because pane kakusemiwa kanoita vanhu kana vakaona ngochani. Nguva zhinji unotomboedzawo kufamba semunhu asiri ngochani but nekuti ndozvauri zvinoramba. Vunhu votosvika pakuzviona kuti ahh pane irikuitika apa chii.

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then we have these (straight acting gay people) geez those people love sex and nudes picture. all they think of is sex and see another men naked, but when you are in public they don’t know you. they’re the one start talking to straight people like

” ahh uyu anoita une chairo munhu uyu anogona kuroora mukadzi uyu kutosvirana nemukadzi zuva ne zuva “

Yet he know that after nine his after me texting and call asking my whereabouts.

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Now let’s talk about be in relationship.

dating is great knowing there’s someone out who love you and enjoy your company.

But then again there’s that fear of people out there whispering and gossiping about there’s no future on gay relationship and you can’t have a family because you both man. but my question is who say to have family should be your own kids? Who say serious relationship id based on sexuality and gender?

Guys some of the family don’t even understand my gayness. Well let me tell you something I don’t like it ( understand it as well) but this is what it is. this how things turns out i’m gay it’s also take time for me to come to terms of understand it.

Like what they say life is not fair this is what of the party life is not fair. But i’m really happy with how my life turned out, i’m on process of turning things around and look on the bright side which is starting my own family with any way I know how.

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Now tell me with all this luggage how can I not suffer from depression?

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Introducing Grace

 

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Me meeting Grace

Yesterday my young brother and I had a chat, he wants to introduce his girlfriend Grace to me.

He went like “Oh i almost forgot to tell him I want to introduce my friend to you her name is grace and it’s a girl”

I was like okay. When? who is she?

 

I had so many questions at the same time I almost froze I mean  don’t get me wrong. It feel like two years back when he want nothing to do with girls and all he wanted to do was stay home and cook and clean the house. for moment I got worried that he might end up been alone because he never show interest of having friends or going out. But recently after he met his new friend who was born in China but his mother is Zimbabwean he speak little bit of Chinese and very good in Shona lovely.

Even though I never see this coming. But hey i’m happy for him. I have few question though. I once his age and I don’t wish to repeat that age again. My questions are.

  • Why do I have to meet his girlfriend? it’s not like he wanna marry her tomorrow.
  • Does he want introduce her to me so they can have sex under my room that i pay rent for?
  • Does he wanna to see if she is a keeper by introducing her to us?
  • What should I say to her?
  • What should i ask her, Should I go about her background I mean she is 15 years old.
  • Should I just chill?

it’s my first time to do this and I want to do it all good and look cool. I just don’t want her to go back and dump my baby brother lord I’m not ready for it yazi.

 

Comments

 

Am I single parent or single guardianl

img_1031IMG_0532.JPGfor time I thought being a single parent is taking care of your own child. without the father helping financially.
Then again Ii’m thinking what is single parenting, what is the difference between someone who is taking care of kid alone and one parent who’s also taking care of the baby.for the past five years been talking care of my young brother on my own send him to school make sure his dress and all his needs are met.
So what does that make me? A brother who is taking care of his young brother or guardian because that what I always sign on with his school work, and everywhere he need parent signature. I never sign as parent before.Three years back my older brother passed on I take his older son as well he was 11 at that time now his 13 years old.at first it felt like it’s just a challenge it will pass. But year go by no one in my family came through to help or ask how things are going. few family meeting were called i’m thinking someone will say something about this Christmas pass  by thinking i will be invited to one of our family member or invite the kids. I still remember one Christmas eve i receive a call from my brother asking “what am I doing for family” My answer was me and my kids we are doing just fine we want to be alone and eat regular food we always eat.My point is not that I cannot afford them. the point is I need someone older to come now and then to check up on me. I need woman touch sometimes to come and clean the house make sure the house is clean all the kids uniform is tidy the once need little attention with sewing be done someone to do that.

I started being a guardian when i was 23 year and I started having good job when I was 22 years old. Sometime I feel like being a parent that all I know in this life. I also wanna see myself partying all night with friend or strangers without worrying how are the kids doing back home. Without having to call three times before I pass out asking how are things home boys have you eaten who cooked. is the gas off.

Am I single parent?

Anodzoreka nde asingapopote.

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kana uchikura vabereki vanokuudza kuti ” Mwanangu kana wakura usazodai”

Bhaibheri rinoti anoudzika ndiye anezivo asi asingaudzike haatye Mwari. Nekuti mukugara chaimo mamwe makomborero anouya nezvaunoita pakugara nevamwe. mamwe makomborero anounzwa nevanhu vamwe vaunoitira zvakanaka vamwe vanhu vausingambosivi chaivo. Asi nekuti vanoona zvaunoita zvakanaka vokuti ukuita zvakana dai Mwari akukomborera zviwande.

 

Zvimwe zvinhu zvinorema asi zvingaremi kuita chaiko.

hanzi kunyarara kunokunda zvakawanda asi handinyore kunyarara kwacho. zvimwe kungoona uchinyarara zvinokuyambutsa pakawanda.

Usati ini handinzwarwo nekuti dzimwe dzacho muedzo enenge ichitouya kwauri.

Asi kunyarara nekunzwawo paunotsiurwa chinhu chakanaka.

Inzwawo.

I DEATH ME

THOUGHT AFTER THOUGHT

SUICIDE 1
‘They told me it will all get better, the pastor said he saw a bright future and I should hold on to his word, pray and serve in the house of the Lord.I tried but nothing changed,I spoke positively at all times. People started to look at weird for everytime I said, “it is well,” I guess cause nothing looked well in my life. So, yes I stopped, I was not about to be a failure and still talk crazy. Then my friends began to make it, they flew off like rocket ships and watched each of them go. I began to hear the voices of my relatives ring in my head, telling me how useless I am. Telling me how I would never grow to become anything more than what my father was.I felt myself run out of breath so I lay down, I closed my eyes and I…

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Going through misty patch.

first of all, Don’t be surprise”

Life it’s misty itself. I mean imagine if you start having trouble in your life and you look at other people you been with and help them, or help them try to chill out and do all they love the most to relax. when you need them they never around. They will tell you about how you shut them down or how you acted, how you respond to conversation they try to have with you.

Let me tell you something, It’s okay to be alone when you are dealing with life issue. because of the issue you need to solve them yourself. and that make it clear that you don’t need them in your life for real. life is too hard and too complicated to involve other people.

You might feel like you need someone to talk to or someone to offload.

Have you try these:
1. Try to pray.

2. Try to find solution because you ask anyone to help you because the best decision come from you.

3. Your focus shouldn’t be about having group on me with you.

4. Put yourself together and d handle your messy.

Life is simple if you live by your rule. never copy.

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How I comfort myself.

Ehh huhuwe

Nyarara mwana, Mwana anochema kuchemera mai vake.

Mai vakaenda kwaganda jena, ganda jena rekucheka nyama.

I don’t really know all of it or how to sing it.

I don’t of this sing every time I miss my Mom and I know every kids from Zimbabwe once hear their mother sing this song once or twice.

Last night I lay on my bed having my own imagination what life will be if my parent were still alive.

How would they feel about me or react to the person that I am today. How they still love me for me. or would my father change how he felt about me. Is he proud of me right now. it was all imagination that I cannot stop.

Sometimes I feel lonely. I feel like my life somehow it’s empty. I need a parent I can talk to sometimes just to pick up a phone and start nagging or act like a brat I know i’m good at that. But feel like I miss that bus already.

Well Sometimes I cry alone.